As I was mindlessly scrubbing up the vinegar solution I poured on the porch to help with the dirt that had turned ugly under the hand-me-down Persian rug that was no longer in-the-house-worthy after being peed on by the dog, I got to thinking about this blog and authenticity. (Maybe it's the fact that I've had to wear my coke bottle thick glasses that I never let the public see me in for the past few days, giving me flashbacks to adolescent days of pyramid hair and getting picked on for being shy..) Things have been quiet here for quite some time. I told myself it was because I was too busy with school but, on the real, in times when I tried to post content here regularly I struggled because it didn't feel authentic. DIYs, outfits, features...I'm not sure I'm "put together" enough for those sorts of things. Sure, I've done/tried a whole lot of things in my adult years, and I enjoy sharing skills with other people when they're interested, but it's usually pretty scattered. I'm not sure what (if anything) I'm 'the expert' on.
And to be honest, I can't think of a spot in my house that is photo-worthy on regular occasion. If you stopped by on the fly you'd probably step over a few weirdly-placed objects in the yard that should have been put in the trash or put away ages ago and you'd likely encounter more dog hair tumbleweeds and cobwebs in the kitchen than I'd like to admit. I'm not a dirty person (if I know you're coming I'll sweep), we just burn the candles at both ends around my way. Ed works 40+ hours a week as a union electrician and spends the evenings and weekends in the garage tinkering with his motorcycle, my motorcycle, the bus, vintage bicycles, weed eaters, etc etc. I have 4 part time jobs plus studio and spend my free time doing some tinkerings, trying to get a stronger body, and socializing probably a lot more than I need to (*understatement, I have a problem with saying no to outings and guarding time I could be using to make work). I haven't had the spare money to score many cool thrifty items with which to adorn my self or decorate the house in a way that aligns with what's in my heart or any major travel plans to quench my burning wanderlust. My purchases have been somewhat utilitarian as of late and I sometimes get clammy when I think about my bank account.
Wait, I hope this isn't sounding too woe-is-me.. It's easy come, easy go---I'm not eating Ramen or anything, guys. I'm happy with my life. I'm not sure I'd want to be in this semi-broke-ass, somewhat confusing phase for the long term, but I'm learning some incredible lessons and making incredible connections with the world around me. And I know I will eventually move through the craziness into more focus and structure. The purpose of this post is more or less to put it out there that my life isn't all that...cute? photogenic? put together? blog-worthy? and mark that I would like to change things up a bit here. I don't want to put on any aires, and I hold this blog back a little from other channels of my life because I feel like I do by accident at times. I don't blog about how I live in the same lower-middle-class town just outside of Richmond that I grew up in and how it's chock full of negativity and self-pacification. I often question why I haven't moved away.
Though I do enjoy reading some blogs that are 'put-together' and perfect, I have noticed some blogs that I love coming to this same realization then opting for authenticity over aesthetics. So for that, thanks! I enjoy writing, and it felt good writing this weird post. These are the kind of things you'd find in my notebook if I'd let anyone read it---just the thought makes me squirm a little. I wish I didn't always feel so graceless lugging around my DSLR because I'd also love to share some of the beautiful visual moments I've had that the iPhone fails to do justice to, but alas I'll add Photographer to the list of things I'm not.
Thanks for listening and see you soon!
Thanks for listening and see you soon!